This post is inspired by women who have felt like they needed to lose weight or that they needed to have some kind of crazy transformation before they went through with something like a boudoir session. Although inspired by my boudoir session inquiries….this is diving into a much deeper problem. When I hear a woman say “I need to lose weight before I can do a boudoir session”, what I am really hearing is “I need to lose weight before I can love myself”.
Before I had my son, I was not someone who had any issues with my body. I knew it wasn’t “perfect” or “modelesque”, but I never thought ill of my body. There was nothing wrong with it. Everything worked perfectly… I could exercise if I wanted without complication… I fed my body what felt good… and I listened to its requests.
Now I want to preface this letting you know that I am not a professional coach. Everyone is different and I highly encourage women to be openly honest with themselves when considering what will be best for their mind, body, and soul. These are things which have helped ME that I think could put you on a path closer to confidence as well.
After having my son, everything changed. I became incredibly uncomfortable with my body. Showing any type of skin, showed that I was totally incapable of being a good mother & My husband was not allowed to see my body. I dressed behind closet doors and took my clothes off for the shower around the corner. Nothing looked good on me and everything just felt wrong. Here I was with a brand new bundle of joy and I have VERY few photos of these first few years because I hated myself. Then came the fad diets….which made me even unhappier….and even just plain exhausted.
Buti Yoga was a bit of a reality check for the way we think of our bodies. It made me realize this view we had on our bodies was just a reflection of how we felt inside. My body, in terms of weight, hasn’t changed from the beginning of my journey. My perception of my body….has done a 180… bringing me to these THREE realizations I had that changed the way I saw my body almost immediately.
The first was understanding,
EVERYONE’S VIEW OF AN IDEAL BODY IS DIFFERENT
A lot of us want to believe this bologna that “society” has pigeonholed us into a perception of what a perfect body looks like but that’s just not true. The truth is we THINK that’s what everyone else imagines. We all have different ideas of what beautiful bodies look like. We THINK society has made us believe a size 0 would equal beauty but Marilyn Monroe, as a TOP icon in history, is the perfect example of proving that false. We shy away from our partners because we THINK we know what their imagination is up to. AND WE JUST SIMPLY DON’T!
Before every session, I send my client a questionnaire asking what THEIR favorite part of their body is, and what their PARTNER’S favorite part of their body is.
Something a woman has found herself self-conscious about…her partner has loved. Also, parts that some women have loved about themselves…other women were self-conscious about.
We are literally putting ourselves down about things that another woman would KILL for.
If you ever find yourself stuck in the comparison trap, let me tell you something. You are allowed to appreciate something that another woman’s body has, without finding flaws in your own.
The second thing I started to realize was
CONFIDENCE & HAPPINESS TRULY ARE WHAT MAKE WOMEN THE MOST ATTRACTIVE AND SEEMINGLY DESIRABLE.
I noticed times when I was sincerely happy, it was like I was a magnet. Friends came easy & so did life. My to-do lists got knocked out with no problem and I still found time to get myself together, do my makeup, fix a proper lunch, & read my son stories.
When women are happy, you can tell. When women are faking it, you can tell. You can FEEL it. This is why we gotta stop beating ourselves up. Our true value comes from within and that’s the part people feel.
You are doing a disservice to the people around you by hating yourself…because they are going to pick up on & feel that energy.
UNDERSTAND THAT HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR BODY, IS A DIRECT REFLECTION OF HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT YOURSELF.
After I saw my depression get out of hand I knew I needed to start making some changes. I wanted to start eating better, working out, & I cut out alcohol completely….not even one glass of wine a night.
Several fitness plans later, I just started feeling like it was a chore. I hated it, and it wasn’t helping promote any changes. It really just brought on more stress for me.
Randomly, I came across Buti Yoga. It was a routine that infused yoga & tribal dance. I knew I liked yoga already….and I knew I loved dance since I was a hula hooper, so it seemed like a no brainer.
I fell in love with it and also felt in love with how it made my body feel. Not gonna lie…I don’t exercise enough to make a drastic change in my body…and there has not been. HOWEVER, there’s been a drastic change in how I feel about my body.
Something about moving around more and getting back in tune through dance, I don’t even have a second thought about any parts of my body that I was once insecure about. It’s my body and I’ve learned to respect it.
When I feel like I need to move my body, I do it. When I feel like I need to eat…I do it. I’m also conscious about what I put in my body ….most of the time. I try to think to myself “how is this going to make me feel if I eat it”. If I eat an entire loaf of bread….am I going to complain of bloat later? Is this going to make me uncomfortable? Same thing applies to alcohol. I’m not willing to feel crumby the next day so I just don’t do it. If my body doesn’t like it, I don’t like it. We’ve reached a mutual respect for each other and let me tell you, it has changed EVERYTHING.
GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK
Nowhere in this journey have I lost any weight….I still have the same things I previously complained about – muffin top, scrawny arms, and lack of tone…..but I’m happy with my body because I FEEL GOOD ON THE INSIDE. I no longer even see those things when I look in the mirror…. I JUST. SEE. MY. BODY….. I SEE. ME.
Also…. No one has ever thought things about you that you’ve thought about yourself. Honestly, we are all so busy we wouldn’t even have time to if we WANTED.
So give yourself a break.
Wear the dress.
Go out to dinner.
DO THE FREAKING PHOTOSHOOT.